Vacation Now?

Not to complain or anything, but I haven't been this unhappy with my life for a while. It's funny, 'cause changes are coming (changes I cannot get to happen sooner), but holy shit did I fall asleep/wake up super bummed.
Partially it's that I am prone to negativity, but how the hell did I get where I am today?



On a positive note:

I could probably bet that in two days I'll feel better about everything.

I guess the easiest way to put it is

You are a product of your environment.

I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you.
I will never leave.
I will never leave you as long as I am living.

A Break From The Movie

Now that it's the holiday season and everything - what with the snow and rain and cold weather I've been spending a lot of time sitting on the couch in the living room with a fire going. I put up the painting that has been propped on the back of the couch for a month, and the Christmas lights were framed around the hearth. My roommate made dinner and we sat at the table talking about...well I don't know what we talked about - a bit about Christmas, I guess. What our plans are for the holidays.
After watching another movie that had been filmed in New York, Leila walked by the doorway ..or more like traipsed by, tossing toast into the toaster and walking away until it burned, and after that I could see her flinging her scarf around trying to dispel the smoke. Which is very much a familiar home thing. Because it's been a while since I've lived with anyone, I realize how nice it is to live in a home with someone else's presence.

I'm the only one going home for the holidays this season. My eldest sister usually spends her time quietly with her man, and my other sister is stuck selling beer to rosy-cheeked time-offers with the exception of Christmas Day & Boxing Day.
So it'll be my mom, step dad & I - and despite being exactly where I would ever want to be at Christmas, I have a feeling that it'll be another time of loneliness during the holiday season.
Time off does makes my mind reflect and really think about where I'm at in life - how much or little I've accomplished, how long it's been since I've dated anyone, "I wonder if I'll be able to share these things with someone who isn't a blood relation" sort-of-thought process, you know?

Brunch

I cannot wait to integrate back into the life of being judged by a server and not thinking about being a server anymore.
There are entirely too many people I deal with every week that are totally insane, annoying and sad. And I can't wait to be one of those people again.
Except I won't ask for a vegetable omelet with no cheese but extra onions and I want it well done, with just a tiny bit of potatoes and mostly salad, but can I have the dressing on the side? Can I have just egg whites? I'm on a yolk-cleanse. And I don't want cornbread, can I sub that for sausages? No? Well, I don't want the bread but can I have extra salad, then? And what other veggies come with the omelet? Could you add some peppers? Do you have avocado? What are your potatoes like? Can you make them extra crispy and put some cheese on top? No cheese in omelet but cheese on the few potatoes on my plate. How much longer for my food? Can I have some more hot water? Can I have some brown sugar? Do you have a smaller plate? I'm allergic to wheat, dairy...what? You don't have wheat-free bread and your cheese isn't soy cheese? Well...it's your lucky day! I brought my own bread and cheese so could you bring this into the kitchen and get them to add this to my meal? Don't worry - I'm not looking for a discount.
(Meanwhile the rest of the people at a table of eight are waiting to order, along with five other tables that just sat down)
Oh is that your tip jar? You pool tips? How sweet. *drops a quarter in the box*