Something I Learned Today

While reading an article on Japanese picture brides, I came upon this:

Not surprisingly, Japanese men seeking wives exerted considerable effort to present themselves in the best possible light, particularly as attractive, wealthy, well-educated prospects who had taken on the North American emblems of successful manhood. Thus, their letters to future brides often contained rosy stories of their living conditions, and the enclosed photographs often showed prospective husbands wearing black suits, white "high collar" shirts, and at times a homburg. Some interviewees even indicated that they had heard stories of men who had posed in front of a mansion or even the Hotel Vancouver, implying that they either lived in or owned the property.

Hahaha, can you imagine standing in front of the Hotel Vancouver claiming it was your own?
Now, can you imagine the bride's surprise when she met her husband for the first time? And then she and her new 'beau's shack was in the middle of nowhere (literally), with the bride having to do half her husband's job (not to mention her own domestic duties), raising her children, living in complete poverty and then having to obey to suck her husband's dick whenever he wanted it.

Anyway, apparently after spotting their shabby husbands from the boat deck, some of the brides would refuse to leave the ship and sailed back to Japan.

Distraction

MY GOD what I'd do for a beer right now.
A good beer. A pint of it. A nice, delicious pint of bitter.
Oh, and some handsome company would be ever so interesting, too.
I'm just drinking tea and eating Cajun Mix and looking at picture of Zach Galifianakis with his shirt off right now, enjoying a nice time of 8:10 PM on a Monday evening, an open book of paper in front of me that at some point this evening I'll get to.

But on that note, I haven't fallen behind yet - which is a huge accomplishment for me Usually once I decide I don't like something I just give up on it.
This might be about me not wanting to waste my money, but whatever. I'm totally proud that I'm able to meet deadlines.

I've figured something out?

After taking a couple of tylenol and washing them down with a chocolate-y coffee, I figured I would be ready for the whole homework thing.
In case anyone wasn't aware: school blows.
Okay, so I know I'm in first year courses and I'm 25 and I know that it's hard to find interesting courses to take when you're doing a university transfer program, but couldn't my profs give one shit about what they're talking about? One them in particular is getting us to read a chapter of a textbook and go over the definitions of the bold-faced words in the following class (uhhh, and it's a second year English course). Either she is a complete and total dingbat or she thinks we're a bunch of fucking morons.
Thanks for the tuition bill and a waste of time, Langara.

Of course, there is a possibility that I've lost my smarts over the past seven years, have become increasingly cynical and I simply can't find anything that's interesting whatsoever. I may just belong to the zombified masses, in a strange parade of people eating potato chips, guffaw-ing at Family Guy and giving up on what their dreams ever were.
I just really don't want that.

So basically I've come to question my decisions. I assumed that taking a semester enrolled in courses that seemed interesting may revive my interests, my care for the world, my joie de vivre, whatever...and I feel like it may be working - just in an opposite sort of way.
I've realized that I'd rather just take some fucking books out of the library and play out scenarios in my head so the information takes. I'd rather be travelling and wandering around new neighbourhoods, talking to new people, trying new things (without a huge commitment and a $5000/semester bill) and picking up new novels that will remind me of what I love. Who needs a career, and what is a career these days anyway? Academia is the alternative, dark pit of snotty intellectual despair way of living. Obviously I'll do it if I must (I'm going to finish the semester, because it's either this or going back to serving at this point), like say if I really do need a degree in something to get some job title I want or a salary that is necessary (kids...house...etc)....but for some reason I just don't see that happening for quite a while (if ever).
I think that I'm realizing that I am willing to take that long, hard quest for happiness that will bring the dark moments as I go along.

What I'm trying to tell you is, I'm going to bake pies for a living.

After skipping school this afternoon, I hopped the bus down Main to meet Wendy for a much needed 'friend date'. And as I wiped tears out of my eyes and pushed play for some sad music to enter my headphones I had the perfect layout for the perfect journal post to describe how I'm feeling about everything right now.
But here I am, nine hours later, and all I really have to say at this point before I go to sleep and get back to the grind is that how out of place I feel in the general scheme of things can feel absolutely awful and ridiculous sometimes.
But tonight, I lounged around on someone's lovely comfy couch and had a bowl of delicious apple crisp and some even better company - life simply can't be all that bad.

Already It Has Happened

You know how when you're reading something and your eyes go out of focus, but you're still reading the letters and words - and so you are following along but your mind doesn't register a single sentence that your eyes have skimmed over? Well, I could probably finish reading all the chapters and articles assigned to me tonight however I can't say if I'll remember any of it at 930 tomorrow morning.
I have been 'doing' school since nine this morning. It's eight right now. I have probably taken 2 hours off (riding the bus/walking down the street/heating up dinner). I still have two hours of reading to do.
This is what I don't like about school. How about being self-paced? Can't I read about African-Nova Scotian and their social adjustment within society post-immigration when I feel like it? (Very bad at keeping focused here)

UPDATE: 10:32 pm .... I did it!

How amazing it would be to cut all my hair off, right now!

Perfect Saturday Afternoon

1. Earl Grey tea
2. Apple slices with peanut butter
3. Sitting at the kitchen table
4. Stack of books in front of me
5. House to myself
6. WireTap with Jonathan Goldstein on the radio (side note: it just occurred to me that I want more friends like Jon's, more like Howard Chackowicz.)

And I've already been out of the house, morning spent with my sister having coffee, smelling perfume and finding her new glasses. I love downtown.
And I love that it's only two. Have I mentioned yet how much I am enjoying getting up at seven in the morning?

A fine little piece of advice

'Don't "adore" a girl, just help her. That's more to the purpose.'

Random Thoughts

While I'm trying to clean my room these things are coming up:

I often think about whether or not I classify as a grownup. Like, does the fact that I had a blueberry bagel (toasted, with butter) and some popcorn for dinner make me mature?
I feel constant guilt about my laziness.

My room is so fucking small I constantly bang my left knee on the edge of the bed frame. Really hard-like.

Old books that I've purchased from Bygone Books (Nanaimo) are being added to the shelf: The Lady With the Camelias by Alexandre Dumas, Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson (already own a copy but this is a nicer one - and I guess it's not really old but who cares), and Christmas Stories from 'Household Words' and 'All the Year Round' by Charles Dickens.

I'm going to bring back the sash next season. I have currently fashioned one out of the bottom of a dress I cut off. It's smashing.

Have I failed to mention lately how much I love and admire Bradford Cox?

Well now that I have accumulated all my laundry into one pile, changed my sheets and folded all my clothes I feel like a new person. However, this room still feels a tad too small - until I get into bed (which is where I am now).

One day I'll have enough space.

Can anyone tell that I'm reading a novel about a bunch of Brits? 'smashing' and 'tad' and

Back to School Cool

Well, first day of school down and now I'm on to the second day of getting up at seven.
Observations?
A lot of (a few) girls are getting really dressed up.
With my own experience at college, mostly everyone wore sweatpants and giant hoodies. I guess yesterday was the first day and I did go to college seven years ago in a small place where people already wear sweatpants as an acceptable means of daily wear. I actually don't despise it as much as I used to...comfort is comfort. And no one will know how much weight you gain over the semester. But I saw a lot of dramatic lipstick and curled hair...I guess this is my 'duh' point - like, 'Duh, Heidi, it's the first day of school and you want to look great and wear everything that you got at the back-to-school sale.' (Side note - my observation of this doesn't really count because I mostly kept my head down and tried to avoid being seen. I am now considered a mature student and I wonder if anyone notices?)

There are no cute boys.
Okay, I saw one that might be okay in my psych lecture but...as expected most of the guys are wearing backwards hats, baggy jeans and texting on their blackberries and oh yeah, they're eighteen. Don't any of you like books?! (In truth, my English teacher actually asked if everyone had read a novel before, seeing as nowadays in high school it isn't necessarily required. And after that it's still possible to get into a second-year English course? What the hell is happening, here?)

FLORESCENT LIGHTING.
The dreaded bars of light sapping your strength and health. Minimal windows (if any). I know that all incandescent bulbs are being phased out now, and I'm not too bothered by it, but couldn't the schools order 'soft light' bulbs? And maybe smash some of the walls and put in more windows? I'm suffocating in here! My eyeballs won't register vision in this light!

You Know Your House is Your Home

When you can dance around goofily in your kitchen with a glass of wine in one hand and a bunch of chips in the other listening to mix cds from 2004.

For Future Reference

"hi, love u!"
"no i love you"
"nope i love u most"
"yup like this much"
"yeah! like that"
"from here to there"
"and it would be farther if there were more distance between here and there, like say if the world stretched a bit"
"it looks tiny but only cuz it's sooooo far away"
"yeah its kinda like the sun - if you stare at it for too long you'll go blind"
"or the moon. sometimes looks massive other times can't see it... it its there. making huge waves or giving headaches"
"yeah, i like the moon better"
"me too. i would never give you a burn"
"more exciting stories are held in the moon
same here - or i would but only in a nice way."
"ya. 5 minutes at a time. I want more time with you than that"
"ya same.
well i am glad we settled that "

A Mother's Advice on Dating:

I spoke with my Mom on the phone this evening and told her I have a date tomorrow night. She asked what we would be doing and I said, "Well he asked me to dinner, so...."
"Well make sure you go somewhere that has lots of vegetables."
"Oh, yes, Mom. Of course I am going to eat lots of vegetables."
"And don't drink too much. Does he work?"
"Yes, Mom, he works.(sarcastically:)Actually no, Mom...he's on welfare. I'm paying for everything."
"How old is he?"
"I think about thirty?"
"Okay, so he's not an old fogey or anything."

On Getting Over It

Well I guess I can't be good at everything...

Swimming

Ahhhhh.
But there's nothing like plunging into a deep pool of water, breaking into silence when your blood cools down, slows down and you exhale everything that could possibly be bothering the parts where your brain boils.

but you texted me first...

"Hi"
"Hey"
"What do you want"

Lists.

It's resolution time! Yesterday during Hangover Breakfast 2011 at our place, someone started asking what our resolutions were. I don't think we got around to everyone, but it seemed most people had things they wanted to do in the next year to improve their lives.
I don't normally make resolutions because I never keep them...or I make them absent-mindedly and never really put much focus into them, but there isn't much harm in making a resolution or two if you don't put too much pressure on yourself - so I have a few...

1. Eat healthier. This would mean less salt, more vegetables. Salt is my favourite food group, so I know this is going to be difficult.
2. Quit Smoking. For the second time...I had a good handle on myself a couple of years ago. I know I can do this again. I want to be over the cigarettes by the end of January.
3. Swim more. This one is going to be easy 'cause I'm marching right over to the Hillcrest pool tomorrow and getting a six-month pass. It's ten blocks or so from school, which is gonna be perfect.
4. GO CAMPING. I haven't gone in four years. I think it's time to sleep in the woods again.
5. Get my learner's license. Uhhhhm. 'Bout damn time I try this whole driving thing again.
6. Less fear, more confidence.
7. Spend more time with my friends, have company at the house, meet new people....try more socializing.
8. Make new meals! New food! At home!

in conversation

"my ears are ringing so hard right now from the sound of my own voice"

- new years day brunch at our place