Vacation, Part Deux

I wish I could be one of those people that can spend all day and into the evening with their family laughing and singing and clapping hands and all that sweet stuff that doesn't even exist except for in people's imaginations.
My attitude gets in the way.
I am now on the island (Vancouver Island, that is..) visiting Grandpa with my Dad, his girlfriend and one of my sisters. I told myself I would spend one night here...and now here I am about to spend my second night. I guess I could admit at this point that I'm too lazy to get on the ferry and catch a bus home. I would rather sulk here in the basement, honestly and truly. I don't want to turn into a monster when I'm in public, I'll save that for my family that I see three times a year.
I wanted to watch 'Father of the Bride' with Elizabeth Taylor, and was all excited about it until the entire family came into the room and sat down... and then I said that we didn't have to watch it 'cause I knew everyone would get bored (don't even get me started on the psychological analysis of that). So, then being the sulker I am (and after everyone was like, "We'll watch it! Let's give it a try,") I left the room and decided to check my email.
They're still watching it now.
Of course I'm being a tiiiny bit of a baby, but I think I can blame the feeling of suffocation by having everyone around. You know - answering questions about stuff you'd rather not talk about, not engaging in conversation, pretending you don't hear what the other person said...
I guess I need a vacation from my vacation.

Things that I have occupied myself with while being at my parent's place over the Holidays:

1. Playing solitaire on the livingroom floor (by the fire).
2. Watching a lot of T.V. (Legend this morning! I have mostly been watching a lot of crime t.v.)
3. White Russians.
4. Whiskey.
5. Petting the cats a lot to try to make them like me.
6. When she is available, Ginny.
7. Going out to Luke's place and starting a fire outside (this happened once, last night). Catching up/drunk talking with old friends. Hanging out with Lucky Dog and Mya and Grey Kitty and White Kitty. Drinking palm bay on top of vodka. Thanks, Dave? And what was up with the gin + clamato? Oh right...and someone making a moonshine + clamato. Uhhhh?
8. Going grocery shopping with my mom. Wandering each aisle at least twice.
9. Listening to my parents and I talk in our know-it-all cynical ways and I am now resolving to do a bit less of that.
10. Yelling, "I'm bored!" a bunch of times.

They say

It's always darkest before the dawn.

Childhood Home During Holidays Part One

So I don't know, I'm not...
I think it's my third full day here. Right now there is a compressor taking up every sound in the house, followed by the sound of a nail gun. My parents are putting in hardwood flooring and right now Dean is in the process of reinforcing the floors before adding more floor.
I can't watch CSI because of it, so what else is there to do? I have a book, but the last thing I want to fucking do right now is read when there's fucking hammering all over the place. So here I am up-upstairs waiting for Ginny to call, because I wouldn't mind getting out of the house and just driving to Tim Horton's or something. I'd even go to WalMart.
See - I don't want to leave the house alone in case I run into someone. It's like I need a support system or something - not that I have anything to be fearful of....maybe being snubbed? I am a bit of an asshole, after all.
Please, Ginny. Call me.

Three Instruments In Our House:

1. A Harmonica
2. A Ukulele
3. A Recorder

Sounds like the start of a kids programme.

bed

surrounded by geese on an island of marshmallow and old skin

Vacation Now?

Not to complain or anything, but I haven't been this unhappy with my life for a while. It's funny, 'cause changes are coming (changes I cannot get to happen sooner), but holy shit did I fall asleep/wake up super bummed.
Partially it's that I am prone to negativity, but how the hell did I get where I am today?



On a positive note:

I could probably bet that in two days I'll feel better about everything.

I guess the easiest way to put it is

You are a product of your environment.

I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never leave you.
I will never leave.
I will never leave you as long as I am living.

A Break From The Movie

Now that it's the holiday season and everything - what with the snow and rain and cold weather I've been spending a lot of time sitting on the couch in the living room with a fire going. I put up the painting that has been propped on the back of the couch for a month, and the Christmas lights were framed around the hearth. My roommate made dinner and we sat at the table talking about...well I don't know what we talked about - a bit about Christmas, I guess. What our plans are for the holidays.
After watching another movie that had been filmed in New York, Leila walked by the doorway ..or more like traipsed by, tossing toast into the toaster and walking away until it burned, and after that I could see her flinging her scarf around trying to dispel the smoke. Which is very much a familiar home thing. Because it's been a while since I've lived with anyone, I realize how nice it is to live in a home with someone else's presence.

I'm the only one going home for the holidays this season. My eldest sister usually spends her time quietly with her man, and my other sister is stuck selling beer to rosy-cheeked time-offers with the exception of Christmas Day & Boxing Day.
So it'll be my mom, step dad & I - and despite being exactly where I would ever want to be at Christmas, I have a feeling that it'll be another time of loneliness during the holiday season.
Time off does makes my mind reflect and really think about where I'm at in life - how much or little I've accomplished, how long it's been since I've dated anyone, "I wonder if I'll be able to share these things with someone who isn't a blood relation" sort-of-thought process, you know?

Brunch

I cannot wait to integrate back into the life of being judged by a server and not thinking about being a server anymore.
There are entirely too many people I deal with every week that are totally insane, annoying and sad. And I can't wait to be one of those people again.
Except I won't ask for a vegetable omelet with no cheese but extra onions and I want it well done, with just a tiny bit of potatoes and mostly salad, but can I have the dressing on the side? Can I have just egg whites? I'm on a yolk-cleanse. And I don't want cornbread, can I sub that for sausages? No? Well, I don't want the bread but can I have extra salad, then? And what other veggies come with the omelet? Could you add some peppers? Do you have avocado? What are your potatoes like? Can you make them extra crispy and put some cheese on top? No cheese in omelet but cheese on the few potatoes on my plate. How much longer for my food? Can I have some more hot water? Can I have some brown sugar? Do you have a smaller plate? I'm allergic to wheat, dairy...what? You don't have wheat-free bread and your cheese isn't soy cheese? Well...it's your lucky day! I brought my own bread and cheese so could you bring this into the kitchen and get them to add this to my meal? Don't worry - I'm not looking for a discount.
(Meanwhile the rest of the people at a table of eight are waiting to order, along with five other tables that just sat down)
Oh is that your tip jar? You pool tips? How sweet. *drops a quarter in the box*

Just Now

For one sweet moment the city didn't exist
I was standing out in my yard, in the darkness, and I couldn't hear one car, one person, one thing
besides the wind.

At first I thought that I was getting a little ahead of myself when I started to pack about a week or so ago. After all, I'm technically moving November 1st and it seems a little ridiculous to pack your home away and live amongst boxes for eight weeks.
But that was before.

This morning I started going through the storage space into which I throw all of my random junk that gets used once or twice a year...jesus. Have you ever lived on your own and had to move somewhere with less storage space? Sorting out the things to keep and get rid of is ridiculous, annoying...exhausting. It's also pretty interesting to see what you've accumulated in all the time you've spent in your current place. Now it's at the point where I'm realizing that I have to get rid of MOST things. And MOST of these things are shit to me anyway. So here I am, with a living room full of bags and boxes that need to be taken to the Sally Ann, recycled or just tossed in the garbage. And I'm still wondering if I'm getting rid of enough.
This will surely take until I move.

I have to stop collecting things.

I woke up close to noon, spooning Lemmy who pretty much goes by the rule that he'll sleep as late as I sleep (or later). I heard Sean rise and start making his usual breakfast, although today he was swearing and yelling at everything he was doing...which made me think that it was one of those mornings where everything falls over and spills and burns. I decided to lay in bed a bit longer.
Turned on the computer, checked my email... received a letter of acceptance from Langara. Hahaha...sometimes I wonder if anyone is ever properly turned down from the University Transfer program? It seems impossible. Did they even need to see my Selkirk transcript?

I finally slipped out from underneath the covers and went to make coffee and wash my face. The muffins that I wanted for breakfast went moldy. Time to buy tupperware instead of covering all my baking in a plastic bag.
I heard Tara yelling at me from outside...I have mail. Best guess is bills, 'cause what else would I be getting...except a letter from my friend Andrew! Andrew lives in Toronto and is currently going to school at UofT (I think) writing his thesis in microfinance. I met him online. And you know, I've met a good handful of quality people on the internets - one being my best friend in the whole entire world, Evan. (I kinda want to say 'one of my best friends' which would be true because I have a few but you know what I mean.)
But anyway, I'm talking Friendster, you guys! The things it was capable of, some people will never know. However, the funny and somewhat embarrassing thing about how I met Andrew is that we met on Purerave. Pure Rave. A social networking site for ravers or people in the 'underground culture'. I think I joined the site in grade ten; I wanted to meet other people who danced 'til the sun came up and wore weird (totally retarded) clothing, and all loved one another or some such stupid shit like that. It was like an earlier version of Friendster, and more 'exclusive' - as if raving was exclusive at the time. It's funny to think about the two guys I met, Andrew and Mike...because they weren't ravers like I was a raver. They were just normal dudes who went to parties sometimes as far as I could tell. They didn't wear phat pants and Mike loved Zepplin. So, I guess didn't really meet ravers like I was planning and you know, I could talking about this for ages, but I'll save it for a later date. Anyway:

I poured cream in my coffee, grabbed the mail and came straight back to bed. Now I'm sitting here sipping and reading Andrew's letter and starting my day pretty well & relaxing.

Three Changes.

1. I applied at Langara College just now.
2. I'm moving to 12th & Fraser - in a house with Leila!
3. I'm quitting my job (although I haven't given notice yet).

Sounds

Sometimes, there is not a more pleasant sound than the clinking of a spoon against the inner wall of a mug.
Stirring the sugar and the milk.

New Air

So I got the phonecall from Tara on Tuesday afternoon. House had sold. We had two months notice.
I of course started to cry and tried to hide it from her. I couldn't stand for her to laugh at me at that point..(or maybe it was in fear that I would laugh, too) so I kept silent with my hand over my face.

I thought the man wasn't going to buy it for sure. Johnny had even just bought his Harley and it was covered all up nice in the back yard. You'd kinda think as people get more settled and more settled, collecting of the stuff they really want, means they won't be having to find someplace else to fit the mould.
Ah, so it goes.
It's funny 'cause twenty minutes later I got a voice mail from Leila offering her place up for November. Just like that, without her knowing the current circumstances.

So last night I took a bottle of wine over to her place and we discussed (paint colours, furniture, plants) and sipped and there was some Them on the stereo and a bit of fiddling with the dimmers and light switches. Leila did her hair with three different appliances and I put some lipstick on.
We exited to the back alley in direction of the Anza - not an unusual thing to be doing on a Wednesday night, except now we'll be leaving from the same back door instead of meeting up at said destination.

I ended getting home around one or so to Tara, Johnny, Kevin and Derek having drinks upstairs. Talking shit 'til four.....
I'm gonna miss them tons. A tiny neighbourhood being dispelled.

What Can I Say?

I was born to be an Eye-Roller.

If I were to be a vegetable, I think I would be a potato.

So if you ever get the chance to see Dylan Thomas & The Dire Wolves (his bluegrass outfit), do it.
A few of us went on down to John Rogers park last night to see them play under a tree during a thunderstorm with only an old lantern for light. Perdy fine & beautiful!

omg!

Larosa's tapenade.

New Book

I just picked up a copy of Faulkner's As I Lay Dying and have spent the last hour in the sun reading. It's been nice, but I should probably mention that at this point all I want to do is sit on the couch upstairs with J & T and watch Family Guy.
Judge Me.

Three Things

that cure cramps:

1. beer
2. curling up in the fetal position
3. the brak show

and other things that help are: big comfy sweaters, cheese, slippers, quiet, sunshine, cats, chocolate, hot baths, and online articles about an American-Egyptian bad boy musician living in Brooklyn whose signature move is the gyration (not that I'm at all really wanting to think about sex right now).

Hanging out at Foundation last night I managed (as usual once I get sitting around in there with a few friends) to be three sheets to the wind by the time I stumbled up the alley toward home.
When I woke up this morning I was unsure if I was still drunk or just had an empty stomach. I walked heavily out of my room to make some coffee and have a thought (a long, uneventful one) while standing in the middle of the floor waiting for the last drips out of the filter to land in my mug. I concluded I was hungry. Since I'm poor at the moment I pretty much just have cans of beans and oats in the cupboard, so oatmeal it was.
I know that people have always said that eating oatmeal every day is the key to living a long life, and for the first time ever I've agreed - even that it could be the cure for 'fuzzy brain'. I am feeling pretty good all of a sudden. I guess I can go wash my face.
I'm gonna live a long life for super cheap, man.

I miss living in an apartment.

Ratings of Importance

School > Job < Home

this is me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0xRAju32tc&feature=related

Why is it that I always watch movies that make me sob heavily when I'm hungover?
It's like a double-whammy.

Time.

I woke up with a hangover after drinking two glasses of wine at home, after work.
I set my alarm for eight A M and then continued to press the snooze button until nine A M and here we are at nine 4 9.

Wanted:

A lamp with a remote.

Something Familiar

"But it was more than that. Something about the Legion clarified who I was, made me solid inside, like when you twist the binocular lens to the perfect depth and the figure you're looking at gets definite. Maybe I just liked holding a place in such a male realm.

That bar also delineated the realm of sweat and hourly wage, the working world that college was educating me to leave. Rewards in that realm were few. No one congratulated you for clocking out. Your salary was spare. The Legion served as recompense. So the physical comforts you bought there - hot boudain sausage and cold beer - had value. You attended the place, by which I mean you not only went there but gave it attention your job didn't deserve. Pool got shot not as metaphor for some corporate battle, but as itself alone. And the spiritual comforts - friendship, for instance - couldn't be confused with payback for something you'd accomplished, for in the Legion everybody punched the same clock, drew the same wage, won the same prize."

From The Liars' Club by Mary Karr

Amazing.

I don't think it's possible to feel any more emotion today, I believe I've felt it all.

Why Do You Do

just say no to rum n cokes

Today

And I as soon as I got home I scrubbed my feet clean
after a hot smoke-filled day hitting the pavement
on sweating streets
we're all hunched over like exhausted beasts
we walk by one another without any recognition
our thoughtfully found records warp on the walk home
but we listen anyway, sitting out on the stoop staring at the sky
drinking wine and grilling the juiciest of treats for dessert!
And baby, my feet feel fine.

Wait a Sec

That was just a scare.

Last night I fell asleep in the bathtub, only to wake up when the water was getting cold - so I obviously added hot to the cold and fell asleep again.
I was in there for two and a half hours.

I'm not joking.

We are all weird.

Just a Moment

who am I and what am I doing?

Three Things

1. Kingsway is my new favourite street in Vancouver. Take the bus up that way (I took the #19 to Metrotown today and almost passed out in HELL!) and maybe take your camera too. Lots of cool, scary, weird and interesting shops to make you feel like you're on a completely different planet (or city, rather).

2. In other news, I'm gradually (and involuntarily) getting closer and closer to living like people in the olden days, what with the hot water tap not working in my kitchen any more and now I have to wash dishes by boiling water first. That combined with no oven makes things a bit harder for me every day. I LOVE KITCHENS and mine is probably the worst (but not the dirtiest - I was in a kitchen last week that had a sink that smelled like urine...!) I've ever been in.

3. I bought a 50mm f1.8 lens today! I've taken about three photos so far and my camera just loves the way his new glasses feel.

Nekkid

I've been thinking lately, what with the lift on the 'women going topless' ban and the guy streaking at a BC Lions game - that I don't really get how people get so offended by general nakedness.
I'd get it if there was a certain perverse quality while bearing one's privates, but the streaker was banned forever from the stadium for his 'public indecency'. One woman was quoted at saying something like, "I was there with my 7-year-old daughter, it was a disgrace." Say whaaaa? Guy is just running with his lil ding-dong swaying back in forth in fast motion. No big deal! She should know what a ding-dong looks like without thinking about sex! It's part of the body!
Same with boobs. Going to Third Beach, I'm relaxing and reading my book - and as I look up to do some people watching my eyes are met with naked breasts. I'll admit at first I had to remind myself that it's cool to show your boobs off like any man shows his (there is not a lack of man boobs at the beach), but then I had to question why I was so surprised? We should be okay with nakedness and not assume that it's all about sex, right?
Not that I think we should be naked all the time - Wreck Beach or your highly visible apartment in a high rise is the place to be for that shit - but I think we should be more exposed to nakedness as something that isn't purely sexual; it's a natural and normal thing - that people's bodies look different and whatnot (some people have huge boobs, some are small, some bums sag lower than others, some balls are huge, some aren't so huge).
What really got me to writing this was a discussion on Q about this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jxwi2l7NrE
Video was taken down for the sole reason that you can see her vagina at one point in the video...which is totally stupid, considering she's eating fucking corn nuts and talking about her Mom and buying things on sale. THATS UNSEXY.
I just don't understand how seeing something like that could soil some young mind (that isn't already dirty as hell).

Mine Eyes

got chewed out by the sun

I don't got no religion.

I Wanted Everything.

Things I Do.

So I'm sitting here bored and decided to play around with my web cam. I took a photo of myself and looked at it.
See, I hate it when people take pictures of me. It drives me crazy. I am always picking something out of my teeth or pursing my lips in uncomfortableness or have some stupid look on my face (rolling my eyes or looking nervous). It's funny in a way, because I'm always taking pictures of people. I should be more comfortable with a camera aimed in my direction, so I've been practising my 'normal' face (the one I have when I'm just sitting around listening to people talk about stuff) and taking a picture. Not only do I want to feel comfortable in a setting where someone's taking pics (like with my family or whatever), I want to know what I really look like - because the perception I have of myself when I look in the mirror is always distorted for whatever fucking reason (I am a young woman who cares about appearance and has some issues with self-esteem. What can I say that would surprise you?)
So anyways, upon this exploration tonight I realize that I continue to look a lot like my dad (it sort of bothers me to resemble a man - I know that's ridiculous), and my nose is shaped like a pear, or a butternut squash.
I realize I'm okay with that, and quickly forget about everything I've just been thinking about.
I wash up for bed, and am sleeping before the clock hits eleven. I guess I just got bored with myself.

On Life

Not to say I haven't struggled with this, but...

I don't see any reason to dwell the past unless it's a positive component to the future. To focus on the past is like poking an open wound.

(I also just finished reading East of Eden and have been thinking about the whole 'Thou mayest' thing. If you haven't read it, you should right now.)

ThreeThings

1. A certain love of IPA
2. Wasabi Peas
3. Clear ocean water hand stands

(not in chronological order)

I am a closet disco dancer

I just got home from a vacation
without any computer;
I read a lot, saw a lot, thought a lot more.
Gonna to reassess my relationship with the internet.

Lots of Things

Prelude: Margaritaville in the back yard

then,

One: Baseball
Two: Beers
Three: Super Friends
Four: Team winning baseball game
Five: Fireworks!
Six: Cocktails & Karaoke
Seven: Coming home to a BADMINTON NET IN THE BACK YARD!
Eight: Having the best day ever and then going to bed and then having a day until I go to San Francisco for a week. Life is good.

And yesterday I spent the day with Wendy: shopping, then the beach, then a dinner which happened to include two pitchers of sangria. And THEN! Having a beer with a friend in from London, and THEN! walking into the back yard with this lovely little fire going with these very sweet people I happen to know.
Who can complain? Not I!

wild

'dungaree jungle'

I dreamt last night the moon exploded
during the early evening, it was still a warm shade of the sun out
it got bright white and burst into ash and fireworks
and fell slowly upon the sky, slowly downwards to the edge of the horizon.
It was kind of like fairy dust in fantasy movies.

I am enduring the second-worst hangover I've ever had. I haven't been able to move from the couch, but lucking I feel as though I will be able to at least get up to turn the coffee machine off soon.
Shower needed.
And it's sunny outside!
But can't bear the light...
Jeez!
But last night was dinner @ Kim's and then party party at Antisocial to see Needles and Pins and Slow Learners. Lady drummers! Super rad.
Okay, brain dead goodbye.

By Dallas Clayton

PEAK/VALLEY

He’d peaked at age nine and he knew it.
Things were glorious then.
With his body and his mind working as one
his popularity was at an all time high.
He knew everyone important by first name.
And on a good day he was the second fastest in his class.
His parents were together still.
He hadn’t yet shaved, bought deodorant,
or been told exactly how babies were made.
He knew no difference between rich and poor.
He had no job,
and as many hobbies as you could fit into a summer.

He was perfect at age nine, he figured.
And so he would spend the next seventy -three years
sitting in his attic
trying to write a book
about how good it felt.


Reading this made me wish with all my heart that I was still nine years old. Today, I am not much happy about facing the world as an adult.

IS THERE FUCKING ANYONE ON THIS PLANET AVAILABLE FOR ME TO SCREAM AT RIGHT NOW?

Night Time is the Right Time

A hot bath
Lavender
A really good book
An ice cold cider
A very quiet house
And a cat lazing about next to the tub, periodically reaching for my hand, chasing his tail, making me laugh.

Happy Thing

Usually I always walk along 16th on my way home, and look at every building I pass...
Today I noticed that the one apartment building that obviously houses the quietest (and possibly cutest?) people is called 'Wagon Wheel Place'

I may have officially overdosed on CSI: Miami.

Like, as if a fourteen-year-old boy can outsmart, kidnap and kill a grown woman who is the wife of a police officer, and all the while outsmart all the cops in Miami AND cut his tracking bracelet off (he was on probation)?
The kid was like 90 pounds! And blonde!

Four Things

1. Sometimes I get too excited about some things to think realistically about them.
This is a fault of mine that hasn't only affected me, and right now I'm kicking myself for it.

2. I have also been blabbing about going to school to pretty much every person I know, so I can't cut out on that.
I have to go to school, now.
I'm going to school.

3. At lastly, I'm sure I have some sort of bipolar disorder. To understand it, I have to explore it. I'm not interested in getting on a medication (I don't think it's serious enough for that) but I do want to be able to control it enough that it doesn't affect my personal life so much. Don't get me wrong - I like being fucking crazy, just not depressed-crazy.

4. What to do with a rainy Monday and a day off? I think it's going to end up with me scrubbing my bath tub.

LOL!

Date night turned into drunk night, I had to hop in the cab while trying to keep my composure.
I blame it on the cigarette post-drinky.
but LOL! At least I have a nice boyfriend!
I woke up this morning in a really brightly coloured summer dress and LOL! Beach day! I am going there right....after elevenish...maybe noon.

The Magic of the Internet, Part III

I just talked to three of my best buddies all at the same time on internet chat! Exciting morning!
Now I'm going to buy cat food!

Lemmy

the cat and me
it's where i want to be
on the couch
in a slouch
with a book
in the nook
of my arm
it's about a farm
(the book)
i've underlooked
misfortook
gotta remember
who's your best friender
the wee and lil' Lemmer

Finding

You know that feeling - the one that makes you want to just go home?
But you don't really want to go home, you'd rather be the furthest away from home, but what you're wanting is the comfort and calmness without having to be anywhere that is so familiar.
And now knowing how it is not wanting to be alone, a weird and unfamiliar thing;
something I'd never thought to exist in me.

Do

cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time. cannot waste any more time.

Repeat.

Hangover Delight

I am eating a chocolate croissant for dinner, right now.
I am typing with one hand, and
every once in a while I take a sip from an extra large can of 99 cent iced tea.

Three Things

1. Pacino
2. De Niro
3. Thirty Years Ago

Three Things

1. Slippers
2. Creaking floors
3. Coughing coming from two levels above

Three Things

1. brown eyes
2. soft lashes
3. 99 cent iced tea

I don't want to forget these things.

Okay, so it's the fifteenth of June and I feel like this summer is shaping up to be one of the best in my short lil' life.
I guess you could say it started with seeing Tom Petty with Kim and Masa last Tuesday. We left the show saying "Tom Petty is the Raddest Dude" several times over - that guy knows how to jam - ...then we walked back to their place in the rain and ate cold pizza. The best!
Friday involved a water taxi to Bowen Island and biking/hiking all over the place up HUGE hills only to land at one of the most beautiful beaches where I swam in the ocean for the first time this year.
I popped a tire on the way back and had to walk all the way down the hill/mountain. Thankfully, Evan didn't have any breaks so we walked together. Sean was waiting at the bottom, worried and about to assume that we were both dead and that the only thing that he could probably do is have a drink to ease the nerves. At the bar we sat next to biker dudes who yelled at the boys to hold the door open for the waitress.
Sunday I got off work early and met my sister and Monique for a coffee, and after we took the last sips of our drinks we came up with the brilliant idea to go to Third Beach. Drank beer, laid in the sand, swam in the ocean, saw an old friend. Ate Spitz, did a crossword.
Yesterday, Christa, Sean, Evan and I drove out to Pitt Lake and rented a canoe, paddling across to a trail up to some waterfalls. We stopped at a farm market on the way and picked up lunch..consisting of bread, tomatoes, mustard, and farmer's sausage. All local! Ate lunch at the falls and made it back in time to grab some ice cream at DQ in Coquitlam (AKA: weirdest town ever. Does anyone smile there?)
Today, my arms are sore.
And even on the inbetween days when there's no big plan, I was going out for dinner with Leila (I will not be eating sushi for a while...woke up that night and barfed), drinks with Kim at the Alibi Room, planting some more in the garden, and laying in the back yard doing crosswords with Tara.

Even looking forward, well, all I see right now is Bellingham on Monday. Gonna go shoot a gun for the first time! Then head to Boundary Bay brewery for one of their IPAs.

Life...is good, man.

Self Improvement

I woke up this morning with a small list of things to do:

1. Get my driver's license ---> drive across the country, in the summer.
2. Get a dog, but prior to that, get out of the city, and make sure to have enough money for the vet bill. (Take dog on road trip.)
3. Sign up for some education -----> Have a back up plan. Getting a degree in English may mean becoming a Dental Hygienist will be necessary as a 'second job'
4. Don't forget to read the books that have already been bought and are sitting on the shelf. Don't buy any more books until other books have been read.
5. Get rid of half of the clothes filling up the bedroom ----> try not to buy clothes for no reason. -----> Do that with half of the other shit in the house.
6. Spend time with friends -----> Be a better listener - listen to those things that make you want to space out. Ask questions when called for - I repeat: do no space out.
7. Get a good night's sleep, eat your greens!
8. Don't just listen to the radio all the time -------> Don't let the news get you down, man. The world isn't ending that quickly.
9. Most Importantly: GO TO THE BEACH AND GO SWIMMING!

dead tired

So as I start writing this it's 2:19 in the morning.
I stayed up late being sober, eating soft tacos and watching True Lies and Eastern Promises.
At 1:30 I decided to have a bath?
About fifteen minutes ago I came into my room and realized I hadn't made my bed after doing laundry today.
Why do I do this? I already hate making my bed - putting my comforter into the fucking sack or whatever you want to call it. The bed sheet. Pulling the elastic around the fourth corner of the bed (always the hardest corner)...not really my favourite thing to do - it comes in a close second to salad spinning.
And then the cat comes on the bed and attacks everything that moves and I realized just now that this is ridiculous

Why?

I was just looking at an online magazine for women, and I saw the user name 'Menstrual Poetry".

Results

1:09:55 to run 10K!
Not too bad - goal for next year: 50 minutes

October 1, 2006 (or, Reading Old Live Journal Entries)

kodiak blazer poncho pullovers. [Oct. 1st, 2006|06:59 pm]
time is open, could be lost
look for, make it something like a solid, like an origami whale
standing on the kitchen cupboard
the lights low and the wires tangling
up to the air, stale like the stuffy house
crooked on all ends.

spread time thinly on a crumbly cracker
dropped on the floor face down
take it on a two-hour walk
by arguable measures
rusty screws and see-saws
sandy pits ,receding footsteps
swishing denim jeans, knobby knees hit.

pop fizzly crackling nails
sore thumbs and baggy eyes.
chalked up concrete
one two threefour five
skipped up drowned out
fallen glass, broken love.
knots in the crevices,
blue sky heaven, twigs in a vase.

pounding down the pillows
fixing up the bottles,
slipping through the floor
dancing down the stairs into the yards
cats flying and birds are preying
the lines go upwards beyond
out of sight.

i'm going to be late
late for it all
nothing that i'm missing
but i could be missing most.
1994 when i was nine
i was lighting old shacks on fire
and feeding horses apples
from my hand
teeth
yellow weird
lips and but oh
so pretty nice tails and brushed out
manes.

i dont know but whenever i'm ready
time really is
by general standards.

My baby eats like a dog!

Going along with the theme of laughing at people, there was a family of two sisters, each with their children - one about twelve and one about..oh let's say, one - sitting on the couch.
While two of them were eating their pancakes and omelettes, the mother of the small child kept him entertained. She gave him a little piece of food and instantly everyone at the table howled in laughter. The mom said something like, "He looks like a dog!"
The mom! She said that!
And everyone kept laughing!
She says the kid resembles a dog, and he just keeps smiling!

Minutes earlier, I was asking the twelve-year-old if he wanted two pancakes or three, to which he replied three, and I said, "Yeah you want three!" His aunt said, "Need you even ask?" And we laughed.
Adolescent boy then proceeds to sulk, aunt says, "Oh, c'mon honey, you're a growing boy!" Boy continues to shrink back and stare at the floor.

See the difference? You can say whatever you want to a baby, and as long as you're laughing or smiling you're loved by the little guy forever!

But always remember that rule only applies to babies.

Young and Sassy

Remember when you were twenty?
Just think back.
From what I can remember I was pretty ridiculous. Actually, I was extremely ridiculous...
And what got me reminiscing today was when two girls (about twenty or twenty-one) walked into the restaurant and sat down. I walked up to them with two glasses of water and said, "Can I get you something to drink besides water?"
One looks up at me with her non-prescripted eyeglasses and says to me very quickly (while chewing gum furiously), 'Yeah. I'll have an espresso.'
I said, "Okayyyyy - " while thinking to myself, 'What twenty year old North American girl drinks a single espresso?'
"Er, ah," she cuts in. *chew chew* "I mean like - "
Her friend cuts in with a very quick, "They have regular coffee here, it's good." She looks at me and says, "Your coffee's good, right?"
She'd never been to the place before.
I give a small smile and said, "Yes - two coffees, then?"
Simultaneously, while chewing gum and twirling hair and pulling out their art books with their fancy pencil crayons, they answered yes. And asked for the coffee black, which makes me assume that they think that's the way it's supposed to be sipped. Sophistication.
And after ten minutes with their coffee, I walk by and one says, "Ummm, do you have soy milk for the coffee?"
The think about being twenty, you're insecure as hell - unless you're really lucky and have these amazing parents that have somehow bred a wonder child who's got their shit together for real. When met with a somewhat intimidating situation you either show how stupid and inferior you feel, or you fake it by assuming confidence, assertiveness, snobbishness (any/or). I don't really get the snobby part, 'cause no one gets ahead by being a dick, but whatever. I guess there's something glamourous about thinking one is better than another.
It's funny, because while they're thinking that they're assuming their cool positions well, I'm telling my boss about them in the back and we're laughing about it.
Which made me think about how many times people had probably been laughing at me.
Which really, is okay, because I was a stupid idiot. But in my defense, because I will always think I'm more mature than everyone else my age, I'd like to think I was a nice and respectful stupid idiot.
Anyway, as my serving their table went on, the girls relaxed and it was an overall pleasant experience. They're probably cool kids.

But their drawings were shit.

Farewell, You're Faraway

Today is the day before my friend Aaron moves away.
Today I will shed a single tear as I wave at him while he walks away, down the sidewalk, down the road, down to his girlfriend's place where he will rest his head one last time, then Blake will pick him up in the morning and then he'll go down to the airport, then all the way he'll fly down to the East Coast to get his accent back.
I wish him well.
And as I've said many times on all of my other blogs, I am going to miss him very much.
Who am I going to sit and do Sudoku with?

how I'm spending this morning

Q/The Current

Coffee (strength depends on how the coffee machine is feeling...contemplating graduating to a new, expensive one. Today's coffee is strong. Good.)

Looking at garden

Thinking about how I dreamt about my radishes last night - they were beautiful. I dug them out at our BBQ.

Thinking about washing my face.

Thinking about emptying out that orange juice bottle that has been sitting on my counter for two weeks. Fearing that it will explode.